How To Achieve Happiness And High Self-Esteem & Suicide Prevention Seminar
Websites
Reason to Live—Suicide Prevention
www.reasontolivesp.org
Mama Fales
www.mamafales.com
Songs
Wings of Glory: Songs of Hope and Healing from Addiction
"There's a Reason to Live"
The Seminar
My husband David and I put on another seminar at our Cody Library on September 10, 2022. Our first seminar had been on March 5, 2022, which was the 12th anniversary of our son Jonathan’s passing by suicide. We decided we would have a seminar every six months—September and March—because September is National Suicide Prevention month. However, we feel that talking about suicide only once a year is not often enough.
The first session of our seminar was called, “There’s A Reason to Live: Suicide Prevention.” It was incredible. David introduced the program, and then I gave a 30-minute presentation. Many of the young people and their parents told me afterwards that they were deeply touched by the message that was shared.
After I spoke, we had the best part of the seminar! The choir director for Cody High School and Cody Middle School, Anissa Bree, had 70 of her choir students there. The singers had our song, “There’s a Reason to Live” memorized, and they all sang it with great feeling. They only had two weeks to learn the song, and they took it seriously. Anissa Bree had performed a miracle! It was amazing to see the Grizzly Hall in the Library packed with choir students and their family and friends who came to listen to them. When the song was over, many people were in tears. I know the Spirit was felt by everyone there! We felt so blessed and grateful!
As everyone was leaving, we passed out my homemade chocolate chip cookies and David’s Wyoming beef sticks to everyone who wanted them. It felt like a big family reunion as everyone visited together afterwards with a sweet feeling of love.
We had smaller groups for our other sessions, but it was meaningful to all of us who were there. Ann Simpson, wife of former senator Alan Simpson, stopped by to say hello to us but couldn’t stay because she was watching grandbabies that day. She had attended our March seminar and given us an art poster Entitled “TRUTH FROM DARKNESS—An Exhibition of Works by Artists with Mental Illness.” It was drawn by the sister of her niece who had passed by suicide many years ago. It was shown in an art exhibit during 1996-1997 in Washington DC. We had the poster laminated, so we could have it on our Memory Table for all our future seminars.
The second session was called, “13 Choices for Happiness and High Self-Esteem.” There were ten of us together for our power point presentation, and we recited each of the 13 Choices and discussed each choice as a group. Patricia Wormington, a licensed musical therapist in Cody, concluded the class by singing the song, “Wind Beneath My Wings.” This is the song she would sing at the Spirit Mountain Hospice House in Cody to our relative, Vern Fales, when he lived there for several months. This is when I first met Patricia, and I felt this song would reflect our need for one another as we journey through life.
The third session was called, “Healing from Addiction Through Music.” At this point, there were just six of us there, which included two other couples who had lost sons to suicide—one nine years ago and one just one year ago. Instead of teaching the last class, we just gently moved into our fourth session, “Supportive Friends for Suicide Loss” after we introduced these two couples to each other. We then gathered in a small circle to share our feelings with these dear people whom we knew would understand, and we simply talked for the last two hours. It was healing to be together to share our common sorrow and sense of loss. We were glad we could facilitate this emotional exchange of feelings and create a common bond. One man suggested that we get together again in the future, and we all agreed that we would.
Picnic and Sing-along
In the evening, we had a small group for our picnic and sing-along in the park. I printed the words for the 12 songs we planned to sing, so everyone could join in for this unifying experience! The reason I planned this activity was because I kept getting the impression that someone might be walking by the park that evening feeling very depressed, and when he or she heard singing in the park, it would lift his or her spirits and provide courage to keep living and moving forward in life. While I don’t know if this actually happened, I knew I had to follow that spiritual impression. I asked a young woman, Emmalee Beardall, to bring her guitar and lead the singing as she played eight of her favorite songs—both spiritual hymns and meaningful, popular songs she liked:
When You Say Nothing at All
Nearer, My God, To Thee
I Know That My Redeemer Lives
Home
Here Comes the Sun
Let It Be
Sweet Hour of Prayer
Wagon Wheel
We then all sang along to four of my favorite songs, which I played on Spotify:
Amazing Grace
There’s A Reason to Live
Let There Be Peace on Earth
Kindness Begins with Me
After our sing-along with Emmalee was over, one of the young women, Jenna Maxwell, said she felt impressed to go downtown and give out our extra cookies to people who were walking down the street in recognition of National Suicide Month. So, I gave her the cookies, and Jenna and Emmalee went off together! I was impressed with their desire to reach out to others in such a delightful, caring way! When I asked Jenna how it went, she reported back: “It went ok. There weren’t a lot of people, but it seemed to make a few of the people we talked to really happy.”
finding Peace
I had the great desire to have the song, “Let There Be Peace on Earth” sung sometime during the day of our seminar. After researching the song, I realized how perfectly it fit into our theme of suicide prevention. This is an excerpt from an article about Jill Jackson and why she wrote this song:
“When I attempted suicide [in 1944] and I didn’t succeed,” she said, “I knew for the first time unconditional love—which God is. You are totally loved, totally accepted, just the way you are. In that moment I was not allowed to die, and something happened to me, which is very difficult to explain. I had an eternal moment of truth, in which I knew I was loved, and I knew I was here for a purpose.”
This realization was followed by years of exploring her spiritual nature and her relationship with God. Jackson discovered her love for writing and began writing songs with Sy Miller after they married in 1949. In 1955, she wrote the lyrics for “Let There Be Peace on Earth” while her husband wrote the melody.
When I was a young teenager, I was asked to be in a trio and sing “Let There Be Peace on Earth.” After we sang it the first time, we had several more requests to sing it around the community in Boise, Idaho. We decided to buy matching dresses and continue singing it whenever we were asked to sing. It was a lot of fun, and it also meant a lot to us because we loved the message of the song.
I know if we can all individually find peace within ourselves, we can spread that feeling of peace to others and live our lives in joy as brothers and sisters with “God as our Father.” With inner peace, there would be no reason for a person to end his or her life.
Let There Be Peace On Earth
Let there be peace on earth
And let it begin with me
Let there be peace on earth
The peace that was meant to be
With God as our Father
Brothers all are we
Let me walk with my brother
In perfect harmony.
Let peace begin with me
Let this be the moment now.
With ev'ry step I take
Let this be my solemn vow
To take each moment and live
Each moment in peace eternally
Let there be peace on earth
And let it begin with me
Copyright 1955, 1983 by Jan-Lee Music.
All rights reserved. Used by permission. 08.25.22
Tony’s Story: How A Wave Saved My Life
One of the stories I told during my talk was about my nephew, Tony Litster, who had shared it with me many years ago. I asked him recently if I could retell his story because it’s such a touching example of how being kind to others can profoundly change a person’s life. This is Tony’s story in his own words:
I had someone I really admired when I was growing up. His name was Greg Lords. Words cannot do justice to describe the essence of Greg. Greg was magical. Not in the sense that he was superhuman, but there was a spark about him that was contagious. Anyone that ever knew him will attest to this. Greg was a few years older than me and was an extremely gifted athlete. He was the quarterback on the football team, the point guard on the basketball team, and played on the baseball team. He was not very tall, but he was an extremely gifted athlete. Now, it wasn’t his success in sports that made Greg special. He got a lot of attention because of his abilities on the court or field, but it was what he did off the field that was truly remarkable. Greg had a desire to include other people in whatever activity was going on. He was known to approach someone that was sitting alone at an event and invite them to participate. Once he stopped to help a family whose car had broken down. He found out they didn’t have any food, and he brought them home to his parents’ house and fed them. His parents were always good sports, since they had taught him generosity by their example. When he was home from college, he spent his day with his little brother selling raffle tickets for his basketball team. Greg was known to go around a room and ask each person their name and welcome them to the event. This is how I met Greg. He made me feel like I was his best friend, and I don’t think he knew my name. I started following his games and reading about him in the paper. Each time I met him, I was intrigued by his kindness. His warm, accepting smile, the way he nodded his head when he made eye contact with me.
At the time in my life, some of my friends were getting involved in gang activity. They were stealing and causing trouble. I was somewhere in limbo between what I knew was right and wanting to be accepted. And the protection and camaraderie that groups like that offer was very enticing. I’m so grateful that I chose a different path. My best friend from the group is in federal prison today on drug charges. The phrase: there but for the grace of God, go I comes to mind…
When I was 15, I was in a really dark place, wondering what the point of life was and feeling unimportant and unwanted. Anyway, it was the last day of my ninth-grade year. A bunch of the kids were talking about which party they were going to. I tried unsuccessfully to get myself invited to one of the parties where all of the “cool people” were going. It didn’t happen. The cool kids were getting in their cars, and no one noticed me as I walked by. I felt like a nobody. Like I didn’t matter one way or the other. I felt miserable.
Then my life changed forever as I walked home that day. I still remember it like it was yesterday. I was walking down the street, and a late 70’s Ford truck turned the corner and headed in my direction. It was green with a white camper shell, and behind the wheel sat Greg Lords. I could tell it was him from a block away. I looked towards him, hoping in my heart that Greg would remember me. And then it happened. Greg smiled and waved at me. He nodded his head too. I quickly waved back. He took a risk there. He didn’t know me too well. He had only seen me around a few times. Yet he was willing to offer a friendly wave. That wave changed my life. It set me on fire right then and there. All of a sudden, I knew I was someone, because Greg Lords told me so. I remember walking the rest of the way home that day feeling great. I thought about that moment all summer. I decided, if I could accomplish anything in high school, it would be to be like Greg. My mantra for the next three years was: “Would Greg do this?” I looked for ways that I could be like him. I did the things I had heard he did. My self-image was transformed that day with a wave. I decided to write him a letter and tell him that he was my hero. He was surprised and grateful that his actions had helped someone else. I never told him about the wave that saved my life.
Greg died in a swimming accident shortly after I graduated from high school. He was playing on the Boise State University basketball team at the time. I wrote the following letter to the editor, and it was printed in the newspaper.
Tribute to Greg Lords:
As an insecure 15-year-old, I trudged down Allumbaugh Street (in Boise, Idaho) on the last day of my ninth-grade year. I hadn’t been invited to any parties, and the popular crowd had left me behind. Greg Lords turned the corner in a green pickup and took the time to wave at me, an obscure boy he’d seen at his basketball games, whose name he didn’t even know. That wave changed my life. At the time, it told me I was someone. Since then, it has taught me the power a kind word or deed has in the life of someone who is struggling. From that day until the end of my senior year I regularly asked myself: “Would Greg do this?” when considering doing something good, or bad. He inspired me to look for those who are hurting, and to give them a helping hand. Greg Lords is more than a basketball player. Greg Lords is my hero!
Written by Tony Litster
www.TonyLitster.com
QPR
I hope during National Suicide Prevention month each September, you will think about your own mental and emotional health and be aware of other people’s needs as well. I recently heard about a program called “QPR” that stands for “Question, Persuade, Refer.” If you see people who seem depressed, ask questions, persuade them to talk to you about their feelings, and refer them to a mental health professional who can help them.
Some people who take their own lives do not look depressed. It’s called “Smiling Depression.” When you are around your friends and family members, look beneath their smiles at their body language and the subtle words they might say from time to time. Perhaps there is a hidden need there. Feel free to use QPR whenever you feel impressed to do so.
I plan to get QPR training soon here in Cody. This is one online program I found.