Some people fall in love when they first meet and know they want to get married someday. Other people grow into love over several months or years and then finally make the decision get married. Either way, love is the foundation for this most important life decision. Love will continue to grow in a marriage if you will treat it like a “verb,” not a “noun.”

Image source: Photovision — *Image source:* *Photovision*

Stephen R. Covey explains this concept in an excerpt from his book, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People: Powerful Lessons in Personal Change, from a conversation he had with one of his friends:

“My wife and I just don't have the same feelings for each other we used to have. I guess I just don't love her anymore and she doesn't love me. What can I do?"

"The feeling isn't there anymore?" I asked.

"That's right," he reaffirmed. "And we have three children we're really concerned about. What do you suggest?"

"Love her," I replied.

"I told you, the feeling just isn't there anymore."

"Love her."

"You don't understand. the feeling of love just isn't there."

"Then love her. If the feeling isn't there, that's a good reason to love her."

"But how do you love when you don't love?"

"My friend, love is a verb. Love - the feeling - is a fruit of love, the verb. So love her. Serve her. Sacrifice. Listen to her. Empathize. Appreciate. Affirm her. Are you willing to do that?”

In the article, Love, Laughter, and Spirituality in Marriage, written by Barbara Workman, she shared how watching another married couple retain the loving excitement and joy of their relationship through the years inspired her own marriage:

We couldn’t understand Larry and his new wife. Medical school shouldn’t allow time to play tennis so frequently, but that’s what they were doing—and they were even going on vacations! Being a few years older and wiser, we knew life was too serious for the amount of time they were spending just enjoying each other. But for twenty years now we’ve watched that marriage continue with the same exhilaration, and we love to be with them because we know there will be smiles and laughter.

Larry explained his philosophy to us soon after we met him: “Our marriage is an eternal relationship. If it is strong and happy, then I can live with whatever challenges life brings. If it isn’t, then no wonderful job or anything else can make up for that loss. Our marriage is going to get the highest priority of my time, money, and energy.”

We have come to know more clearly what we want most in our marriage—love, laughter, and spirituality. We want to stay in love, to feel desirable and attracted to one another, with a deep and comfortable friendship. We want more laughter, fun, and family memories. And we want spiritual nourishment: prayer and study and talking about eternal things together.

So be proactive. Say the magical words, “I love you” several times a day and show that you are sincere by expressing your love through your actions. Christ-like love is real and can transform relationships.

L - Love

Love
is like a
cascading waterfall that
quickly rushes in
with fresh, flowing
water to quietly
nourish your marriage
and quench your
unspoken thirst when
you frequently whisper,
“I love you.”

Beloved, let us love one another: for love is of God;
and every one that loveth is born of God,
and knoweth God.

—1 John 4:7

Excerpt from ABC’s for a Happy Marriage: A Collection of Original Poetry and Biblical Scriptures.

Reflections on Marriage: L is for Love

L - Love