God’s Power: Alcoholics Anonymous Step #9
Step 9—
Made direct amends to such people whenever possible,
except when to do so would injure them or others.
In an online article written by Dale and Juanita Ryan, they quote from the Alcoholics Anonymous Big Book, which says:
There may be some wrongs we can never fully right. We don’t worry about them if we can honestly say to ourselves that we would right them if we could. Some people cannot be seen–we send them an honest letter. And there may be a valid reason for postponement in some cases. But we don’t delay if it can be avoided. We should be sensible, tactful, considerate and humble without being servile or scraping. As God’s people we stand on our feet; we don’t crawl before anyone.
Another bold statement from the AA Big Book says:
Although these reparations take innumerable forms, there are some general principles which we find guiding. Reminding ourselves that we have decided to go to any lengths to find a spiritual experience, we ask that we be given strength and direction to do the right thing, no matter what the personal consequences may be. We may lose our position or reputation or face jail, but we are willing. We have to be. We must not shrink at anything.
Reparations
My google search for the word “reparation” gives this explanation:
The making of amends for a wrong one has done, by paying money to or otherwise helping those who have been wronged.
"The courts required a convicted offender to make financial reparation to his victim"
synonyms:
amends, restitution, redress, compensation, recompense, repayment, atonement
"the victims are seeking reparation"—the compensation for war damage paid by a defeated state.
plural noun: reparations
Offending Others
I like reading dictionary definitions of words I don’t commonly use in my own conversations, and the word “reparation” is one of these. As I’ve pondered on this word, I have begun to wonder if I have ever gone out of my way to truly make reparations to people I’ve offended in my life. This has been a time of introspection for me.
In my family when I was growing up, I don’t remember any of us saying, “I’m sorry,” very often. It seems we would just let time go by, try to not make the same mistake again, and keep moving on in life.
In our own family, my husband and I have learned that we must stop and talk about issues when they arise—and the sooner the better. We have also tried to do this with our children, but they haven’t always been willing to talk about past emotional pains and hurts.
I don’t think every issue has to be discussed because sometimes we are overreacting in our thought-process to something unimportant. My rule is if something is still bothering me after twenty-four hours, it should be talked about—and with my new understanding—that thoughtful reparations should be made when appropriate.
Forgive Me
I wish I could say I’m sorry,
But it would cause you too much pain
For I know your wounds are tender,
And I’m the one to blame.
So if I can’t speak to you right now,
I hope you’ll understand.
I know your grief is all my fault
And someday if I can—
I’ll ask you face to face
To forgive me of the past
When I offended you so much
Our friendship couldn’t last.
But right now it’s still too painful,
And we must go our separate ways.
But please know that deep within my heart
I wish that I could say:
Please forgive me…
It was all so wrong of me to do.
Please forgive me…
I’m praying now for you—
That God will bless and guide you
With His Power from above,
And let you know I’m sorry
As He heals you with His love.
(An excerpt from God’s Power—Embracing the 12 Steps)