Living Life: Helping with a Newborn Infant
My newest grandson born Tuesday, March 16, 2021!
In 1987, Russell M. Nelson spoke these encouraging and comforting words to all women:
Mother Eve:
As Adam bore responsibilities of fatherhood, so Eve bore the responsibilities of motherhood. She did not shirk them. So with welcome arms you may gratefully greet those children God may send, through your divine design as cocreator. With your husband, be obedient to the commandment to multiply and replenish the earth, as your opportunity, your spiritual guidance, your wisdom, and your health allow. You will gain joy and rejoicing in your posterity. That enrichment becomes more beautiful and precious with each passing year.
For you childless sisters and those without companions, remember the eternal timetable of the Lord is much longer than the lonely hours of your preparation or the total of this mortal life. These are only as microseconds when compared to eternity. Your willingness and worthiness are surely known to Him. The spiritual rewards of motherhood are available to all women. Nurturing the young, comforting the frightened, protecting the vulnerable, teaching and giving encouragement need not—and should not—be limited to our own children.
Joy of Children
I have always wanted to pass on the joy of having children, which my mother passed on to me by her example. One way I have tried to do this is by coming to be with each of my daughters and daughters-in-law for one week after they have a new baby. This has been such a delight to me and allowed me to connect with each of my grandchildren—in addition to helping the mother (and father) get some much-needed rest.
I have a friend who was planning to be with her daughter when she had her first baby, so she asked me if I had any suggestions for her—since she knew I had done it so many times myself! (In 2021, we are now up to twenty-nine grandchildren with a new granddaughter born on January 14th and a new grandson born on March 16th!) I typed up my suggestions for her, which I am now passing on to others as well. Whether you are a mother, mother-in-law, sister, aunt, cousin, or special friend, there is something you can do to help make life a little easier for a mother with her new baby!
How to help a Mother with her New Baby
Think about what you would like done for you if you had a new baby, and then offer to do the same for the new mother.
Remember that you are there to give support but not take over.
Ask specifically what you can do to be of the most help.
Most important is developing a bond of love and acceptance between you and the new mother and allowing her the time to enjoy, love, and cherish her new infant.
If you are a mother yourself, this is a time to share what you learned when you were a new mother—mistakes and all! If she doesn’t agree with a suggestion you might give, let it pass and move on to a new subject.
Take the “night shift” so the mother can sleep (then you both should take naps during the day when the baby is sleeping so you can keep going.)
If the mother plans on nursing, be supportive. If you had good experiences with nursing as a mother, you can pass these experiences on to her. If you didn’t, most hospitals now have excellent lactation specialists who can help.
Encourage the mother to nurse every 2-3 hours during the day. Try to stretch the feedings out to every 3-4 hours during the night.
Continually fill up her water glass or pitcher—she needs to drink lots of water—about a gallon a day until nursing is well-established.
Bring her a glass of water and a little food before each nursing.
Prepare nutritious meals and snacks that will increase her energy and milk supply.
Encourage her to eat 3 healthy meals a day and 3 healthy snacks in between meals.
Prepare meals for her and her family that can be put in the fridge or freezer to eat after you leave.
Buy or bake her favorite treats—for now and later.
Tidy up the house and do necessary laundry.
Run errands, including driving her to the baby’s first doctor appointments.
Your goal is to leave the mother feeling as rested as possible. When she takes care of her baby on her own after you leave, she needs to feel somewhat confident that she can do it.
Include the father as much as possible—if he is available. This is a new, emotional time for him, too. You want to help him feel as comfortable as possible caring for his newborn baby. Give him a lot of encouragement and love, just as you do the new mother!
Encourage the mother to get lots of sleep and rest up the full six-weeks after delivery. This is how long it takes for the body to completely heal from childbirth. (Plan on three months after a C-section.) My first obstetrician told me, “If you will rest the first six weeks after childbirth, you will feel great at the end of six weeks. If you get up and try to resume your normal activities the first six weeks, you may end up in the hospital again, and you will feel tired for a year. (I always took his advice and it worked!)
Have the mother watch for signs of a clogged milk duct. If she gets pain in one breast, and the breast still feels full after nursing, take action immediately. Put hot compresses where it is sore, scrub the nipple with a warm washcloth, and nurse the baby first on that side until pain goes away. If pain continues or a red spot appears on the breast, she may be developing a breast infection called mastitis. Immediately call the doctor as she may need antibiotics to get rid of the infection. Click here For more suggestions.
“Baby Whisperer”
I now have a favorite book for new parents: Secrets of the Baby Whisperer: How to Calm, Connect, and Communicate with Your Baby by Tracy Hogg and Melinda Blau. I learned about it from one of my daughters when she had her first baby.
I wish I would have had it when I was having my babies! I didn’t know how to establish a pleasant routine with a new baby that could be peaceful and soothing for both the baby and me. It is definitely a book worth reading, but as in all things, you need to pray for inspiration to know what’s right for you and your baby at any particular time. When you feel peaceful in your heart and your mind, then you know you’re making the right decision!
The Reward
Remember that you, the caregiver to a new mother, will most likely be exhausted when you return home from helping with a new baby. Schedule time to rest up and get some uninterrupted sleep before you try to resume your own regular activities! The joy of being “in heaven” with a newborn is ample reward for your tireless, loving, compassionate service!