Reflections on Marriage—F is for Forgiveness
In my book, ABC’s for a Happy Marriage, each “letter” contributes to happiness, but an essential “letter” is “F” for forgiveness. As two imperfect people begin the upward journey of marriage, there will be many misunderstanding, offenses, and sometimes even intentional misdeeds and sins. How do both spouses heal from this kind of emotional pain?
In the article, “Repentance & Forgiveness in Marriage” by Richard Miller, he explains how relying on the Atonement of Jesus Christ can bring personal healing to your soul. He says:
But what if we can’t simply forgive, forget, and move on? Some serious offenses are difficult to overcome, and some hurts run very deep. Sometimes a spouse has a difficult time forgiving something that others might consider trivial. In other cases, the level of resentment reaches a point where the spouse is unable to forget about it and move on with the relationship.
In these situations, we need to rely on the healing power of the Savior’s Atonement. His Atonement not only allows us to repent of our sins; it also heals those who suffer and grieve. Certainly, it comforts those who sorrow because they have been hurt by their spouse. During the process of the Atonement, the Savior suffered all of the pain, sorrow, and grief that we will experience in this life. Because of His atoning sacrifice, He shoulders the pain that we experience, which gives us the ability to overcome these hurts and to heal and forgive our spouse.
President James E. Faust (1920–2007) said: “The Atonement brings a measure of peace and comfort to those who have been innocently victimized by the sins of others. The basic source for the healing of the soul is the Atonement of Jesus Christ.”
A few years ago, I had the opportunity of serving as the bishop of a married student ward. I had wonderful people come into my office devastated because they had been terribly hurt by the actions of their spouse. Through their tears they would ask, “Bishop, how can I ever forgive my spouse?” We would then talk about the Atonement and its ability to heal broken hearts and to give us the ability to forgive.
As a bishop, I saw miracles. I saw individuals repent of their sins and earn back the trust of their spouses. I saw brokenhearted spouses find peace and the ability to forgive. I saw couples that were on the verge of divorce humble themselves, look inward, take responsibility, apologize for mistakes, and forgive each other. Every one of these miracles was made possible by the healing power of the Atonement.
Now don’t misunderstand. There are situations where forgiveness does not mean staying in a relationship that is abusive or dangerous. There are some scenarios where divorce may be the proper choice. But even in these cases, the Atonement can bring personal healing.
Forgiveness
Forgiveness
is Christ’s spiritual
gift that gives
you power to
heal sorrows and
mend souls, as
you remember past
offenses no more
and resolve to
look forever forward
in your marriage.
And be ye kind one to another,
tenderhearted,
forgiving one another,
even as God for Christ’s sake
hath forgiven you.
—Ephesians 4: 32
(An excerpt from ABC’s for a Happy Marriage: A Collection of Original Poetry and Biblical Scriptures)